Mourning same as grief but deals with similar

Mourning a death comes with regaining a purpose to life. It’s similar to restarting a life they can’t be live again. When I found my brother passed out on the floor I couldn’t move. I ran downstairs to tell my mother but I couldn’t get the words out, she knew and went to get help. That day I found myself experience lost and emptiness. Michael Hakimi, a clinical psychologist, states that, ” Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something that’s important to you. You may feel a variety of emotions, like sadness or loneliness.” Grief  is an instinctive human response to a loss that actually is a highly complex mixture of views and emotions. Mourning isn’t the same as grief but deals with similar emotions. Dr. Wolfelt explains, “The term grief refers to our thoughts and feelings on the inside… Mourning is the shared, social response to loss, or ‘grief gone public.'” We all handle these feelings differently and might even repeat the stages over again. Dealing with the fact that all people handle situations in their own manner. Similar to how we organize our schedule, changing things around or picking certain areas to keep or toss. “You may go back and forth between them, or skip one or more stages altogether. Reminders of your loss, like the anniversary of a death or a familiar song, can trigger the return of grief,” Michael Hakimi reminds us. For my brother’s funeral they provided a little slideshow with pictures of him and family members. In the slideshow they played the song from Fast & Furious called See You Again by Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth. Every time I hear the song playing I am placed back into that same spot in the corner glancing between the slideshow and below my brother in his casket. I returned to this cycle called grief.  The first stage of grief is denial. The person in this stage finds themselves not believing that their loved one is dead. Not accepting the fact that the person is within another realm. This stage begins with not wanting to accept. For my experience I just couldn’t believe it was actually true. I remember coming home to an empty house and when I walked through those doors I expected to see him walk down the stairs to see if it was me that walked in. I remember walking home and a car pasted by and I could of swore seeing my brother driving the vehicle. Mr. Hakimi explains this feeling perfectly by saying,” When you first learn of a loss, it’s normal to think, “This isn’t happening.”” Repeating this saying in my head over and over again the next few weeks. The feelings become overwhelming. Clifford Lazarus explains these first response feelings by stating,” This is because mourning is often the result of a severe, emotional injury or trauma that, like all deep wounds, will be felt, reacted to, and, one hopes, heal in an individualistic way.” A way to cope with these feelings involve the thinking process of knowing that things aren’t okay. You don’t always have to respond with a “I’m okay” to every question. You have to be real with your emotions. Marty Tousley wrote an article and she advised to, ” Face up to the truth of your pain; open up the protective shell you’ve built around yourself.” I did a lot of tearing in front of others and that’s when I knew I wasn’t alone. I realized there were people around me that cared about my well-being. Next stage, anger. Now this anger can be toward anyone. May be aimed at the people around you, the world, god, and even yourself. “To be angry with a loved one who died and left you alone is natural, too.”  “Anger during grief can often be displaced and/or expressed in puzzling ways to others around us,” Dorothy Franks, a Grief Recovery Method Specialist. Dorothy Franks writes, “It may be easier to express anger to someone nearby than to try to figure out just whom or what we are really angry with; so, the ones who get the blast of our anger are usually our nearest and dearest – those we would not want to hurt at all.” The HealthWise Company wrote an article and they also stated that, “Social expressions of grief may include feeling detached from others, isolating yourself from social contact, and behaving in ways that are not normal for you.”  The anger is temporary but lasts for a few minutes. An apology to those who you hurt may be in order but you may find it irrelevant. Dorothy advises that, “… it is a good idea to talk to someone we trust about this aspect of our grief. ”  But being in a traumatic place, it become overwhelming and you learn that you can’t do it on your own.   The third stage goes over bargaining. This means to trade anything for your loved one back. According to Alexis Aiger, “In the bargaining stage you may find yourself intensely focused on what you or others could have done differently in order to prevent the loss or change.”  Bargaining can lead to guilt and this feeling may interfere with one’s daily routines. It finds its way to fit in the mind and grow into something bigger.  There is no preventing or making this stage any better. The lead up to stage four, depression. It begins to set in and you begin to realize that life isn’t the same without them. According to WebMD, this stage may come with trouble sleeping, poor appetite, lack of energy, fatigue, and crying spells. It comes with a feeling of worthlessness. Not wanting to accomplish tasks because there was no purpose in them. No meaning. National Institute of Mental Health informs the community by claiming that, ” We may also have self-pity and feel lonely, isolated, empty, lost, and anxious.” But this stage may be difficult because from forth on you have two paths.  One path travels to being trapped in this sickness. American Psychiatric Association studies define it as, “…when these feelings become overwhelming, cause physical symptoms, and last for long periods of time, they can keep you from leading a normal, active life.” Depression is a leading cause to suicide. This may also be involved with bargaining when the person feels like trading their life for the one who was lost. This leads to a future that is untellable. The second path is acceptance. Finally realizing that your loved one is gone. There is no changing it and it was their time to go. That’s what life comes down to, leaving the world behind knowing you contribute to it as much as you did. (focus—I in one paragraph, also Works Cited) The side effects to the grieving process may include things like being disorganized and not being interested in activities. There are short term and long-term effects that can contribute to one’s life. Psych Guides states that some short-term effects may include, “inability to attend work or school, or a lack of desire to attend social gatherings.” Psych Guide also states that long term effects depend on, “…the type of loss you or your loved one has experienced.” For someone who had a close relationship with the lost person I could state that the long-term effect involves the mindset of not forgetting but being able to move on. But that is different to one who has lost a child. That person would go through misery and their long-term effect would include the absence of someone they hold close to their hearts. The aftermath of mourning leads to a new perspective. Instead of letting the mourning process stay in your system and stacking up tissue boxes, learn to improve your mindset and body as a whole. You may need to gather support and allow yourself to be around others. It would be helpful to interact in events with family or friends. Don’t fall into isolation and find yourself into depression. Once you embrace your life you will become at peace with yourself knowing that life will be okay. You allow yourself to rest and your loved one at rest. Obit Tree even states that, “… the key to fostering resilience from your grief is to identify ways that are likely to work well for you and incorporate them into a strategic reaction to the death of your loved one.”  Living on the memory is not something you want to avoid but something you should hold close to your heart. Wolfelt advises us to keep in mind, “Our culture tends to deny, diminish, and judge the pain of grief, but the truth is that grief is not something to be afraid of, hide from, or think of as ‘bad’ or ‘weak.'” It’s also not a selfish thing to forget. It’s good to remember but don’t dwell on the past.